Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Morning Pages time with Jamie Ridler !

                               Morning Pages with Jamie Ridler in July !

     Greetings & Salutations ! I decided that this month Im gonna do Morning Pages with Jamie Ridler . Since discoverying Jamies Blog about 3yrs ago , she is so nice , so sweet , her sister is so nice as well Suzi Ridler , and meeting women like these gal , it makes you realize that their are women on this planet that are really nice , which I wasn't really meeting in my life . I hermitize myself away from people , I close myself in , meeting interesting people who inspire me , give me hope , and just cheer you on is really all I need , even if I never meet them in person , although I hope to someday.

     Today I want to talk about the fine line of keeping yourself in check . What I've discovered in my own world , is that your family ain't goin' nowhere ! You can run , but you can't hide LOL! I have always struggled with my family . Since I was a little girl , I was always looked at as " The Confussed Girl ". You see , I was born in 69 , during this time alot was going on in our world. There was war and there was predjudice toward anyone who wasn't , " WHITE " . The color of my skin is not very dark , in fact , Im pretty white , but my nationality was not caucasion , Im half mexican and half thai , so it was a little difficult growin' up because the kids I grew up with in the town I  lived in at the time , were all raised to think in a predjudice way . I understood it wasn't their fault , it was how they were raised , and I understood that at an early age . A child knows when they see it very young and I saw it everytime I would meet someone at the playground or at the park , I would have a great time with a kid and when the parent saw they were playing with a child that wasn't caucasion , the parent would come over and tell their child they needed to go over here or there , and the poor kid wouldn't understand why.
     When I was a teenager , it was a little more abraisive . I remember I had moved from Hollywood/Silverlake area where I lived all my life until that point. I had just turned 13 and my parents wanted me to get a good education in a good public school , so my parents decide to buy a house in a town near Pasadena called Arcadia . I understood one thing about this town . Most of the people there were wealthy . I came from a poor side of town to a uptown world , that I didn't think I would fit in and I didn't by any means . I went to junior high , knowing no one , I remember I was such a loner for a while . I remember that , kids would start conversations with me like this : 

    Kid : " Hey so where are you from ? What school did you go to? "
    me  : " I just moved here from Los Angeles . "
   Kid  : " Oh eeew! That place smells your lucky your living here ! "
    me  : " Well it wasn't that bad . "
   Kid  : " What are you ? "
    me  : " What do you mean , I don't understand ? "
   Kid  : " You look like a beaner . Am I right ? "
    me  : " What ? What's that ? "
   Kid  : (laughs out loud )  " Your mexican right ? "
    me  : " yeah Im half . "
   Kid  : " oh god! whats the other half ? "
    me  : " The other half is thai . "
   Kid  : " Oh God! I feel sorry for you ! " laughs and ends conversation.

It was a tough road from 13-17 . Although theses kids started not to care about nationality , it was like they became their own person , so predjudice started to die down in high school . All my girlfriends were pretty much latin or asian or a girl from sweden , it was always ethnic gals , the WHITE girls wouldn't even think to be my friend , and if they did , we had a private friendship that I would respect.

     My thoughts this morning , come from the predjudice I deal with in my family . Even though I survived the harsher predjudices in life that I experienced growing up as a kid . I realized that predjudice is everywhere , whether it be race , color or creed , family I discovered is beyond predjudice most the time . I have always been an artists , and my family don't think thats a career . My grandmother , really see me as a " Hippy " She's told me before that her favorite grandkids are the one's that have the best jobs and she's even pointed out , who her favs are , and of course , Im not one of them. I think I stay away from my family because we don't have much in common and I speak my mind on politics and history , and they always get angry with me and tell me where to put it . So its rare I see any of them . I just want to live a life where I can just do my art , be the artist I choose to be , I don't need anyone to tell me their proud of me although its nice to hear , but I just want to make my art and celebrate with others who love art as well . If I can get that out of life and the people I meet , then I can have a smile on my face all the time. I love my family, but I also don't need negative vibes either.

                                                Thanks for stopping by an listening , it means alot!

                                                            MaryAnn K.


  1. I'm so glad you're joining us for morning pages - and thank you so much for your lovely words. I'm so glad we've connected.

    Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty and tenderness. I'm wishing for you many more nice and loving people in your life, people to support beautiful you and help your dreams come true.

  2. Thank you so much Jamie , you have always been such an inspiration and great mentor. : )
    Its been a pleasure knowing you , hopefully one day we can meet. : )