Morning Pages time with Jamie Ridler !

                               Morning Pages with Jamie Ridler in July !

     Greetings & Salutations ! I decided that this month Im gonna do Morning Pages with Jamie Ridler . Since discoverying Jamies Blog about 3yrs ago , she is so nice , so sweet , her sister is so nice as well Suzi Ridler , and meeting women like these gal , it makes you realize that their are women on this planet that are really nice , which I wasn't really meeting in my life . I hermitize myself away from people , I close myself in , meeting interesting people who inspire me , give me hope , and just cheer you on is really all I need , even if I never meet them in person , although I hope to someday.

     Today I want to talk about the fine line of keeping yourself in check . What I've discovered in my own world , is that your family ain't goin' nowhere ! You can run , but you can't hide LOL! I have always struggled with my family . Since I was a little girl , I was always looked at as " The Confussed Girl ". You see , I was born in 69 , during this time alot was going on in our world. There was war and there was predjudice toward anyone who wasn't , " WHITE " . The color of my skin is not very dark , in fact , Im pretty white , but my nationality was not caucasion , Im half mexican and half thai , so it was a little difficult growin' up because the kids I grew up with in the town I  lived in at the time , were all raised to think in a predjudice way . I understood it wasn't their fault , it was how they were raised , and I understood that at an early age . A child knows when they see it very young and I saw it everytime I would meet someone at the playground or at the park , I would have a great time with a kid and when the parent saw they were playing with a child that wasn't caucasion , the parent would come over and tell their child they needed to go over here or there , and the poor kid wouldn't understand why.

     When I was a teenager , it was a little more abraisive . I remember I had moved from Hollywood/Silverlake area where I lived all my life until that point. I had just turned 13 and my parents wanted me to get a good education in a good public school , so my parents decide to buy a house in a town near Pasadena called Arcadia . I understood one thing about this town . Most of the people there were wealthy . I came from a poor side of town to a uptown world , that I didn't think I would fit in and I didn't by any means . I went to junior high , knowing no one , I remember I was such a loner for a while . I remember that , kids would start conversations with me like this : 

    Kid : " Hey so where are you from ? What school did you go to? "

    me  : " I just moved here from Los Angeles . "

   Kid  : " Oh eeew! That place smells your lucky your living here ! "

    me  : " Well it wasn't that bad . "

   Kid  : " What are you ? "

    me  : " What do you mean , I don't understand ? "

   Kid  : " You look like a beaner . Am I right ? "

    me  : " What ? What's that ? "

   Kid  : (laughs out loud )  " Your mexican right ? "

    me  : " yeah Im half . "

   Kid  : " oh god! whats the other half ? "

    me  : " The other half is thai . "

   Kid  : " Oh God! I feel sorry for you ! " laughs and ends conversation.

It was a tough road from 13-17 . Although theses kids started not to care about nationality , it was like they became their own person , so predjudice started to die down in high school . All my girlfriends were pretty much latin or asian or a girl from sweden , it was always ethnic gals , the WHITE girls wouldn't even think to be my friend , and if they did , we had a private friendship that I would respect.

     My thoughts this morning , come from the predjudice I deal with in my family . Even though I survived the harsher predjudices in life that I experienced growing up as a kid . I realized that predjudice is everywhere , whether it be race , color or creed , family I discovered is beyond predjudice most the time . I have always been an artists , and my family don't think thats a career . My grandmother , really see me as a " Hippy " She's told me before that her favorite grandkids are the one's that have the best jobs and she's even pointed out , who her favs are , and of course , Im not one of them. I think I stay away from my family because we don't have much in common and I speak my mind on politics and history , and they always get angry with me and tell me where to put it . So its rare I see any of them . I just want to live a life where I can just do my art , be the artist I choose to be , I don't need anyone to tell me their proud of me although its nice to hear , but I just want to make my art and celebrate with others who love art as well . If I can get that out of life and the people I meet , then I can have a smile on my face all the time. I love my family, but I also don't need negative vibes either.

                                                Thanks for stopping by an listening , it means alot!

                                                            MaryAnn K.